I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
