don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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