If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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