What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
