i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
