told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
