i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
