ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
