Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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