My first STD was from a foam party
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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