I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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