Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
