He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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