i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just forgot I was standing up.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Text me some of your sweat
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
