How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
