The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
