I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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