No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
