tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Holy sore nipples Batman
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
