My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They have beer where we have blood.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
