i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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