Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
