mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
