After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
