kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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