Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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