clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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