I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
