I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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