and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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