me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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