Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
did you just send me my own nude
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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