I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
