All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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