Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
