Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
