Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
