Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
