I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
