Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Randomize
