I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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