I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
