he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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