Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
3pm strippers are depressing
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
