at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
