I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
