dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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