You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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