ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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