i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
