I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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