I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
