the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
