That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
