btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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