the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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