i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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