I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
